Session 09 — Hit Them With the Boat

Session Recap

The road to Ankley (Vale absent — Ashlyn rode along in the background). An hour and change out of Fort Foothold, The Land Boat met a training regiment marching the Foothold–Ankley hills, led by Sir Ronald of Chapston — a large, jacked rooster knight, second place in the Rivellanin jousting tournament of 1347, code of honor, pocket confetti, pocket gong. He offered the party a deal: spar his initiates and prove themselves combat-worthy, and he'd give them the first of the three signatures needed to leave the Palisade. The party won the non-lethal melee decisively — capped by Draak picking up the Land Boat and throwing it onto six initiates — and Sir Ronald signed their shared leaving paper. The GM then unveiled the campaign's honor system: a per-character score of how Orathos perceives you, raised by good deeds (titles, land, parades) and tanked by bad ones (bounties, manhunts, adventurers hunting you). Everyone gained +1 honor for the fair fight; Thalia gained a second point for working the crowd with mints, handshakes, and a Cure Wounds on the worst-hurt initiate. She also took Sir Ronald's strangest courier job yet: 25 signed headshots for every child under ten in his hometown of Chapston, paid 3 platinum up front.

Then it all went sideways. Lash, investigating Drak's theory that the sun is an egg, stared at it until she fell unconscious and blind — and felt something cold, stern, and punishing slap her away, nothing like a Flame Queen. The party rolled into Ankley at 5 PM (27th of Midspring, 4E 1396): a beautiful cliffside village of a thousand people stacked down a Thousand Steps to a beach of surfers and rum bars. They bought 70% of the Sweet Emporium's stock, then settled into the top inn, where the local bard Raymond out-dueled Magra's ocarina, called Drak "the freak that ordered the chunky crispy soup" — and got picked up bodily by an 8-foot lizardman until he fainted and soiled himself. The tavern emptied in terror, Lash took over the abandoned kitchen, and the party officially looked like "organized bandit raiders." Thalia raced the village's young adventurer Vernon Cleave up 1,100 steps to broker the cleanup: apologies, floor repairs, compensation gold, and Reclamation Signet numbers taken for the report to Foothold — except Lash, who refused on principle, forcing Thalia to covertly read her tag and relay the number herself. Vernon escorted the blind, fed-up Lash down to the beach tavern the Sand Gets In, where the session ended with rum, grilled leeks, and a hawk full of undelivered news.

Key Events

• The land boat, to scale: Cara built the session's opening map — the boat is officially 17.5 feet long, 7.5 feet wide, everyone fits if they squeeze, Lash gets the crow's nest. The party traveled the 1 hex to Ankley at normal pace (~1¾ hours, downhill); they're now ~3 days "behind" the Red Group in time and well ahead in pips.
• Sir Ronald of Chapston: a rooster knight of South Rivalon drilling Foothold recruits up and down the hills — too many teeth in his smile, winks that shine, confetti that birds eat. He judged Drak a pack mule and fed him two carrots before learning better. Ankley, he explained, was named by Foothold's founders as a joke (foot... ankle); "perhaps you could convince the mayor to change the name. It's not a good one."
• The fan-mail commission: unable to deliver his own autographs, Sir Ronald hired Thalia to take 25 signed headshots to "anyone under 10 in the village" of Chapston — 10 miles south of Lambert's Crossing, 40 miles northwest of Cathalon, 35 miles southeast of the Veilwood border, known for its lumber and its heroes. He paid 3 platinum (30 gold): "Keep the change, get yourself something from the sweet store."
• The sparring test: Sir Ronald can't vouch for moral caliber on sight, but he can test self-defense — the party versus his out-numbered, jumping-jacked initiates, all attacks declared non-lethal ("pseudo damage" tallied and refunded afterward). He marshmallow-topped the spikes of Drak's club, exempted Ashlyn ("I can sense the lesser nobility within you. You are better than this."), and rang his miniature pocket gong. See Combat.
• The honor system unveiled (rules-as-written from the DMG, the GM swears): every character has an honor score (~5 base, adjusted by faction, backstory, island history, and the Port Quaybay shenanigans). High honor: titles, land, knighthood, trusted vendors, maybe a parade. Low honor: barred doors, bounties on your heads, adventuring parties sent at you "like you are the monsters of the campaign" — but also thieves' guilds, assassins, fences. Known scores: Fenric 10 (30 years helping the Veilwood — second-highest in the whole campaign, behind only Ashlyn-the-noble and the other group's Varia naval officer); Silithane started at 2 for the dock prologue (impersonating the Flame Queen, stealing from the church), now 3. Everyone +1 for the honorable sparring; Thalia +2 total (persuasion 22 sucking up to every initiate one by one, plus mending the baseball-batted one's ribs with Cure Wounds).
• Signature 1 of 3 went onto the party's collective leaving paper. (Sir Danica, it turns out, signed their tax papers, not leaving papers.) Sir Ronald's pointers for beyond the wall: the Knights' Temple in Gwyndinas has the island's biggest bounty board, some bounties sitting far too long; and most importantly — Loendis has ruled for 30+ years, so her young soldiers "have never known a life that wasn't Loendis's rule. Be gentle with them, be patient. See if you can't take them alive." Of Euphemia Fayeth's mind control he knew nothing: "Never heard of them. Steer clear of them."
• Frostmourne, corrected: Sir Ronald has never heard of it ("if it's got frost in the name... Baelheim"). Silithane's history recheck of his own memory revealed Sir Danica actually told him to ask his higher-ranked Varian spy contacts what happened on Frostmourne — not knights.
• Lash v. the sun: Drak's cosmology (the Flame Queen made the sun; the giant ship statue was his egg; maybe the sun is an egg) sent Lash staring sunward from the crow's nest, eating escalating fire damage — apron-resisting it, eyes dribbling, then cooking — until she hit zero ("I have discerned the egg sun"). Drak threw a rock at the sun in retaliation (it looked like it hit; 1 fire damage to his eyes). Fenric closed her paper-dry eyelids; Silithane healed her for the minimum possible 5. Verdict: 12 hours of blindness, no permanent harm — and a 21 perception's worth of revelation. What she felt was not a Flame Queen, not womanly, friendly, or humanoid: something cold, stern, punishing — "the defense mechanism of something that doesn't want you looking at it." Being on fire all the time is a great way to keep things from looking too closely.
• The heliocentrism debate: Magra staged an orrery with Thalia as the planet and herself as the sun to explain night to Drak. Drak's review: "You weren't very good because you didn't go in the mantle." He filed Magra under liar; Lash's "it sleeps behind the mountains in trees" was accepted as fact.
• Arrival at Ankley, 5 PM: a steep, scenic cliff village (~1,000 people, ~20–35 buildings per terraced layer, many of them cave houses behind built facades), the Thousand Steps running top to beach, surfers and beach bars below, tiny tidal islands offshore — one, a mile out, bearing a big sharpened spiking rock pointed at the sky. Silithane burned a reagent for a hawk familiar and sent it to investigate; its report is next session's cold open. The cart stayed parked up top — the Steps would eat it.
• The bounty board (attached to the top tavern): mostly the adverts of a safe town — swim lessons, facade repair, a shovel-for-hoe trade — plus the business card of Vernon Cleave, the village's one sellsword (young, prim, Arathi militia-trained, 2 expeditions, 5 gold/day, pest removal with body disposal), and one real job: "Wanted dead: Roger Payton and his men" for piracy, looting, and raiding — inquire at the Sand Gets In.
• The Sweet Emporium: run by the jolly old Wendelin ("I'm the Candied Man"), who refused to sell out his stock entirely — the children of Ankley come first — but parted with 70% of every jar, 60 pounds of mixed candy, for 31½ gold after Lash's haggling. Lash, blind, requested ever-sourer goods until he poured raw sour beads (the flavoring concentrate) into her mouth, then orange juice "to try chemistry." Village lore acquired: Ankley is factionally divided into Eastsiders and Westsiders by the central staircase, and Hayley of the magic store (Mage's Society type, the only magic shop in town) once pranked Wendelin's sweets foul and might cure blindness. Drak's enormous canvas bag was identified as "Giacomo-sized" — Wendelin's son-in-law is half cyclops.
• The top inn: run single-handedly by a huge, gentle minotaur bartender — 8 feet, ash-white with black splotches, one long-healed cracked horn, cut-off waiter's sleeves, perfect scribe's cursive. On the menu: ale, fruited ciders, terrible carrot vodka, and vegetable stew — Drak ordered his "deluxe double extra crunchy" (raw veg), Lash hers with the sour vegetables removed. The minotaur's dream: someone should claim the wheat fields beyond the wall so Ankley can have bread ("The Queen gave a speech once. She said we'll have bread soon enough.") — Magra promised nothing but mentioned the party's future settlement near the Veilwood.
• The bard-off: Magra politely asked to accompany the inn's duo — fantasy-Jack-Black lutist Raymond (rendered "Raymond Prawn the Gaiden Blank" and "Raymond Tron de Gadenplank" in one exchange) and his checked-out flautist friend — and was answered with a magically-laced two-note challenge and a four-minute rock ballad about how she ain't shit in his town. Her ocarina clapback (you can't talk and play an ocarina at the same time) lost the duel, but an inspiration-fueled final flourish (21, then 24 with Lash's d4 and Silithane's illusory cheering crowd, localized entirely within a 5-foot cube) earned a handshake: "You could have got me if all of your performance was as good as the final flourish." She granted him exclusive rights to her Tales of War as song material.
• The freak incident: Raymond then asked who "the freak that ordered the chunky crispy soup" was. Drak stood, dragged his 60-pound club across the floorboards (gouging them), loomed, demanded an apology, and lifted Raymond to ear height when none came. The combined intimidation (Drak 32, Lash a frankly unnecessary 54) made Raymond faint and soil himself; 20–30 commoners fled screaming, the flautist abandoned his friend ("if he dies, he dies"), and the innkeeper retreated. Lash, two-gold conscience money down, appointed herself chef and finished everyone's soup orders blind — egg flipped onto her own head and back into the pan.
• Thalia's Ankley round, meanwhile: door-to-door deliveries down the whole village — including Vernon Cleave's letter (he answered the door in armor, theorized that Laewendas burned the island's mailboxes early on to keep villages isolated, and paid 4 silver for a return letter to Foothold, the extra silver "towards your first box") — ending with a free drink at the beach rum bar from a man whose father's letter went straight in the bin. Then: 30–40 people fleeing the top of town.
• The reckoning: Thalia force-marched 1,100 steps (con save passed; hauled up the last few by Vernon) and walked into the crime scene playing constable: "I see a group of bandits has invaded this poor tavern. Does anyone want to explain themselves?" She extracted apologies (Magra sincere, Fenric minimal, Lash "sorry for making some delicious-smelling soup," Silithane already three drafts into a formal apology letter with a coin pyramid), had Fenric and Magra plane and reseal the club gouge out of the floor (passable patch job; 3mm divot only bare feet would find), and left compensation on the bar.
• The signet standoff: Vernon, voice trembling but standing his ground, took everyone's Reclamation Signet numbers for his report to Foothold. Drak apologized and gave his number first and asked that the others be spared; Lash refused outright — she paid for her food, she did nothing wrong, good day sir. The GM's warning: refusing to identify yourself to authority after a crime is the one thing the Reclamation pact can't tolerate — treason-tier, manhunt territory. Thalia quietly lifted Lash's tag (sleight of hand 22, postcode-brain memorization) and relayed the number to Vernon herself.
• Down the Thousand Steps: Vernon blocked the staircase (Ocarina-of-Time-guard footwork) until terms were struck: he personally escorted Lash — blind, wounded-looking, "just a commoner" by his read — an hour down to the beach, shield arm offered and refused, to the Sand Gets In, the rival bottom inn (sand floor, bamboo-creak door, hostel bunks of stakes, twine and leaf resin). Dead silence on entry; whispers of "is that one of them?". Lash ordered spiced rum with coconut (carved open by machete on the spot) and grilled leeks, and sat at the bar. The rest of the party's lodging is next week's problem.

Combat & Encounters

• Sparring versus ~16 Foothold initiates (non-lethal; "pseudo damage" tracked and refunded): a proper formation — front rank short-sword-and-shield (bonus-action shield shoves), spearmen jabbing over the shield wall, rear-rank pikemen resting 10-foot pikes on their comrades' shoulders, three shortbow archers (suction-cup training darts), and a drummer providing a morale aura. Every downed trainee announced "I am felled!" in the same voice — Lash theorized they're all one underground tree monster.
• Party highlights: Fenric went first and felled two in round 1 (javelin, then claws hooked under a shield) and spent the fight barreling through the front line, eating most of the attacks — alone, he reckons he'd have lost (~10 HP left by his tally). Silithane debuted Bladesong ("an elven technique") and dropped the drummer with Sleep — pillow out, actually asleep. Thalia cast a DC-14 entangling AoE from the boat (catching Fenric, who burned his Queen's-speech inspiration to pass), whip-dragged trainees around, and bonked one on the boat ("You could have kept fighting. 8 wasn't enough... Try harder."). Magra rested her crossbow on her planted shield for advantage and learned her close-quarters trick denies reactions. Lash Inspired/Helped Drak, then vanished into the bushes (stealth 19–21) and sniped opportunity bonks from hiding while one trainee wasted turns searching ("There's an axolotlian in here! Come out, you bastard!").
• The boat as a weapon: Draak, raging, picked up The Land Boat (Str 23 with advantage), spun it overhead and dropped it on six initiates — Thalia dive-bombing inside mid-flight to save the cake. The two trapped beneath were the fight's only real casualties (squished into soft grass, hospital-bound but fine; the GM caps improvised weapons around 3–4d8 and warns the boat would break against anything tougher). Drak's fire-breath debut rolled a 1 — "like opening the oven door... it was kind of fine actually."
• The Raymond incident (not a combat, barely): one bard lifted to ear height; intimidation 32 and 54; fainting, soiling, and a fled tavern. Vernon Cleave's sword came three inches out of its scabbard during the cleanup and went back in.

NPCs & Factions

• Sir Ronald of Chapston — new note: rooster knight of South Rivalon, initiate trainer, first signer of the party's leaving paper; will spread good word of them through ~20 future militia postings.
• Vernon Cleave — new note: Ankley's resident young sellsword-adventurer; stood alone against the party, took their signet numbers for Foothold, escorted Lash to the beach inn.
• Wendelin — the Sweet Emporium's "Candied Man"; sold 70% of his stock; protects the children's licorice supply; half-cyclops son-in-law.
• Raymond (full name garbled) — the top inn's lute bard: magically-laced showmanship, fragile dignity, fled town's new cautionary tale. His flautist accompanist: "just here for the tips."
• The minotaur innkeeper — unnamed; runs the top inn alone; beautiful cursive; wants the wheat fields claimed so his village can taste bread again.
• Hayley — unmet: the Mage's Society-ish woman running Ankley's only magic store; prankster; possible blindness cures. Sir Ronald couldn't remember her name ("Begins with an H").
• Roger Payton — bounty target: "Wanted dead... for crimes of piracy, looting, and raiding," with his men; inquire at the Sand Gets In.
• The Coalition — the honor system and the leaving-paper signature regime are its social enforcement arms; refusing to show your signet number after an incident is treason-tier.

Locations

• Ankley — fully explored: the Thousand Steps, terraced cave-houses, Eastsider/Westsider inn feud, the Sweet Emporium, the magic store turnoff, the top inn, the Sand Gets In on the beach, allotment farms, no pigs (the cliffs would roll them into salted hams).
• Chapston — Sir Ronald's hometown: 10 mi south of Lambert's Crossing, 40 mi NW of Cathalon, 35 mi SE of the Veilwood border; lumber and heroes; 25 children owed headshots.
• The tidal spike island — a mile off Ankley, a sharpened rock spiking at the sky; hawk report pending.
• Lambert's Crossing — map name noted in passing.

Loot, Items & Rewards

• First leaving-paper signature (of 3) — Sir Ronald of Chapston, on the party's shared paper.
• +1 honor, everyone; +2 for Thalia (mint diplomacy + Cure Wounds). Baselines revealed: Fenric 10, Silithane 2→3.
• 3 platinum (30 g) — Thalia, for the Chapston fan-mail run (25 signed rooster headshots, addressee: every child under 10).
• 60 lbs of assorted candy (70% of the Sweet Emporium) — 31½ gold, party-funded, stored in Drak's Giacomo-sized canvas bag.
• 4 silver — Thalia, Vernon's return letter to Foothold (1 silver donated "towards your first box").
• Costs: compensation gold left at the top inn (plus Lash's 2-gold soup conscience money); Silithane's apology letter with coin pyramid; the floor repair (Fenric + Magra, wood tools).
• (Noted in passing: Drak's spiked greatclub deals d10 + 2 from Lash's improvement + 1 fire damage "from Firebrand Church of the All-Flame Queen"; the GM also spent "Lash's Magic Hammer" as a −d4 on an enemy save.)

Decisions & Open Threads

• The hawk report on the spike-rock tidal island is the promised cold open of next session ("Boss, boss, I'm back!" — "Not now, Jesus.").
• Vernon's report to Foothold: the freak incident, the kitchen raid, and the ID numbers are all going on record. Honor consequences pending — Lash's refusal to identify herself was flagged as manhunt-grade if it hardens.
• Where does everyone sleep? Lash is at the Sand Gets In; the rest of the party was left mid-village at session's end.
• Roger Payton and his men — Ankley's one real bounty, inquiries at the very inn Lash is drinking in.
• Hayley's magic store — never visited; could have cured Lash's blindness; Fenric explicitly wanted to go.
• What did Lash see in the sun? Not the Flame Queen — something cold, stern, and punishing that doesn't want to be looked at. The egg theory survives contact with evidence.
• The Chapston delivery — 25 headshots, well outside the Palisade, 135-ish miles away; now riding in the mail cart with the cake (which survived being thrown in a boat at six people).
• Frostmourne — corrected target: Silithane should ask higher-ranked Varian spies, not knights.
• Sir Ronald's standing request: take Laewendas's young soldiers alive where possible — they've never known another ruler.
• Two signatures still needed to leave the Palisade; the Knights' Temple bounty board in Gwyndinas awaits.
• Drak's hurt feelings: "Everyone in Ankley, they thought I was a freak. They were okay with it." He wants to go "somewhere where people are tolerant." The party's first honor point and first village-wide panic happened on the same afternoon.

Memorable Moments

• "Plan A. Oh wait, Plan B, because boat." — Lash's tactical doctrine, and the GM gamely drawing a Microsoft Paint boat token mid-combat ("I didn't expect the boat to be moved").
• "There's a cake in this boat!" — and Thalia's bonus-action dive-bomb to save it.
• The pocket gong standoff: "Look, idiot, this is a gong." "Sir, he has a bell too." "Do not confuse the sound."
• Every felled initiate: "I am felled!" — and the one overachiever: "Betwixt my ribs, I am felled!"
• Sir Ronald spelling out his own ban: "H-E-I-N-A-U-N-S. I can't spell, fuck." Drak, departing: "Bye, Ronald. I won't do any anus things."
• Lash turning from the sun, eyes smoking: "Yes, I see the egg."
• Drak, avenging her: "How dare you hurt my friend!" — throws rock at sun — "It looks like it gets it."
• Magra's solar-system demonstration, reviewed: "You weren't very good because you didn't go in the mantle."
• "Tongs?" "No, not tongs. T-T-T-Tongs." "Like candy thongs?" "No, you anger me now."
• Wendelin on market dynamics: "I'll have lost all of my customers forever. Then I may as well move to the west side and start all over again."
• The carrot vodka: "I don't think you can, but we're selling it."
• Raymond's bardic shutdown, and the GM on ocarina warfare: "the moment you start talking, you're not playing anything."
• "I am Raymond Prawn the Gaiden Blank." — "Want to see Mia try to write that out?" — "Raymond Tron de Gadenplank."
• Lash, blind, translating for Drak: "If you don't apologize, he's going to physically kill you. He doesn't play music."
• Intimidation 54. "This guy faints and shits himself."
• The GM's verdict on the tavern scene: "Your group are now like organized bandit raiders in this moment."
• Thalia, arriving at the crime scene: "I see a group of bandits has invaded this poor tavern. Does anyone want to explain themselves?"
• Lash's stand: "Where's my weapons? What am I even gonna do? I'm a blacksmith. I just want an inn and a nice bed." (And, offered as compromise: "Heck, you can sleep in my bed if you want to, but you're not getting any.")
• Vernon, terrified and immovable at the top of the stairs, doing the Ocarina of Time guard side-step.
• Silithane's hawk, finally back with the island report: "Boss, boss, I'm back!" — "Not now, Jesus."